ssurgul

...Or not at all.

I hate this. Yet again, little journal, I come to you to bitch about the unfairness of things. To whine about things which are typically quite clear, and yet so impossibly difficult to achieve.

It seems that more and more, my friends and acquaintences are using this time to start the road of self-discovery and awareness. Using this shithole time to get all introverted and philosophical. Unfortunately, though, they seem to just be finding out just how much of a quag it really is to start stepping out into this Big Bad World of awakening. And, yes, I've warned most and others already claimed to know. But, now, I start to read/see/hear/witness the fallout and I can only shake my head. So much pain. And it should all have been avoided. Idealistic crusading 101. 4 Credit hours, non-transferrable, non-challengable, pass-fail only.

And yet again, I'm faced with my old dilemma. slavegirl recently asked, "my Lord, when are you going to stop taking in strays?" Bitch. she's getting way too perceptive for her own good of late. Regardless, however, she was correct. When am I going to cut this crap? Granted, it's how she and I came together, and how a few other good relations happened. But, with the exception of her, they have always ended in flames and explosions. It's never a good split. And here I am now, again, with the same choice and road. Do I help? Do I shut up and let them fumble around for themselves? Do I share what I've already captured with blood, sweat, tears and permanent nerve damage? Will I be branded an even bigger Evil Dickhead for speaking up now, and being seen as being a Know-It-All? Do I speak up later, when things have gone as I know they very, very likely will only to achieve the same? Do I try and temper the fall-out, knowing too that that's worthless?

I fucking hate this. I fucking hate seeing people doing this, mid-stream. I hate seeing it blow up on them, I hate seeing them lose hope. I hate having to be their rock, I hate having to walk away to save my own sanity. This should not be my or anyone else's issue to deal with. I would have thought that this would be a solid no-brainer for everyone to be brought up to. Know Thyself (Temet Nosce). And yet, what are we taught to know? The words of a few highly repressed, deeply neurotic men who convinced others they Knew Things and they Knew God (sm). And as we've seen for the past 3500 years and more, this shit DOES NOT WORK. But, no. Inertia is our bestest friend of all time, and if we learn something as kids who have no experience or choice in the matter, then clearly we must keep to that for the rest of our lives, no matter what. After all, anything else might actually be eating of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge, and that might put us back on par with God. Can't have that!

And now, at the end of my outpouring, I'm still no closer to a fix. Joy. Happy happy joy joy in fact. My instincts will guide me, and I guess I just need to insulate myself again to the views and feelings of those who truly don't matter to me in the grander scheme of things. It'll annoy certain people, but they, too, are somewhat outside the scope of my immediate concern now, so they'll have to cope too. Thanks little journal. I guess you do have a use or two after all.