It's late and I'm clearly too tired to think clearly

[ssurgul]

I can't fucking believe it.

I really can't.

It seems that a whole lot of subs out there really just want a Top around, most of the time (if not all the time), to boost their own egos. Once that's done, they simply flit away merrily, leaving the Top high and dry. It's amazing. More amazing still is that we take that shit. Being used by those we use, leaving us empty, drained, on the verge, all while the sub is recharged egotistically and more, taking what we give. And we take it. And I even entertained the notion of putting myself into this grinder, once again, knowingly and willingly for more than a second. How pathetic.

We take it, and we rebuild ourselves after the fact. Long after the fact. We sometimes see their renewed joy and delight with life, and we pat ourselves on the back. We see them moving forward with their lives, and we push ourselves to move forward too. Unless the Top is truly unconcerned for himself and is able to simply revel in the needs and joys of the bottom. But that gets into a whole other rant that I'm not up to tonight.

Why do we bother? Why do we put ourselves out for this shit, only to be left in the end, most every time? Why am I worried about this any longer? I have a slave that I love very much and who loves me as well. It's not like I need this crap. It's not like I really even want this crap. But, that's the problem with ex's. Every now and then, you pine for what you had and what you lost. It's normal; it's human. It's stupid. And I guess I am for even pondering it at all, in the first. It's not like this same, exact thing hasn't happened in exactly this way with this same person in the past. Ah well. Maybe one millennium, I'll fucking learn.